Tuesday, July 16, 2013

My Only Thoughts On The Trayvon Martin George Zimmerman Ish

We should ban guns and go back to swords.

I believe in the eye for an eye justice system. Cut the hands off a thief and he will not steal. Cut the penis off a rapist and he will not rape. Kill the killer and he will not kill.

If Zimmerman knew Gracie Jiu-Jitsu you would not be reading this now.

The NAACP is racist. It has the words Colored People in it.

The NAACP was created by a white lady.

I think I will create the NAAWP. Or the Association Against Bullshit.

Zimmerman isn’t white. He’s some kinda fucked up latino mix. I don’t claim him or Riff Raff.

If you want to kill someone do it in Florida. Dexter has been getting away with murder for years because of where he does it.

If someone follows you just shoot them first. That way you don’t die or suffer any legal consequences. 

If you can’t fight I suggest not following someone. They may kick your ass and you will have to pull a gun out because you are a pussy.

Peoples responses to this case just reinforces my life motto of “I hate people”.

Thanks to GG Allin for writing the song I Hate People. It is the soundtrack to my life. 

 Even though many ignorant motherfuckers think this case was about race it was about the justice system. Quit being so narrow minded about skin color and wake up to the fact that our country fucks everybody. Instead of whining and looking ignorant you should infiltrate the machine from inside and either a: make a change in it or b: destroy it.

White people are racist. Black people are racist. Brown people are racist. Yellow people are racist. Green people are racist. It’s in our nature. Just don’t be blatant about it. If you have never made a statement that is a little racist, never referred to some dumbass with a slur, then you are perfect, I would like to meet you and your 30 cats, you are probably lying though.  A little racism is fine, it becomes a problem when it’s discrimination. 

I was called cracker once. It made me mad because a black guy said it. We can call each other niggers and crackers and spics at home. Once you say it to someone’s face it becomes disrespectful. If we are in Florida when you call me a cracker I will kill you. James Foster is probably dead anyway though. Or in prison, so I guess this cracker won. 

This is what happens when 6 women decide anything. It took them four hours to figure out what to wear to the deliberation.

Friday, June 7, 2013

The Catman

I was talking with a client at my internship the other day about superheroes. I told him that I'm a superhero called The Catman. My superpowers are really good vision, and fingernail claws. He responded, "Oh, I thought they call you that because you get alot of cat."

That is a way better superpower than what I came up with.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

And Whats Up With Brail

Walking through the halls today I noticed brail on all the office signs. You know "so and so's office" then some brail dots under it. Are blind people supposed to put their hand on the wall and feel all the way down the hall until they find the right office? How about the bathroom? Do they just feel the wall until finally they hit the restroom? Makes no fucking sense. There should be some type of general sensor to point the blind in the right direction. We're just letting them loose and saying, "Fuck you just feel the wall until you get to the pisser, hope you don't have a full bladder."

Brail is like me.


This Is What I Have Been Thinking

Watched Viva La Bam the other day. It was funny when I was 25, now they seem like a bunch of dicks.

Words said during morning commute, “Out the way you old cocksucker!”

I don’t like being an adult, lately I do stuff for 9 hours, go home, eat, lay around a couple hours, sleep, and repeat. Need to make my backup plan of winning Powerball my primary plan. F real life, I enjoyed JasonWorld better.

It’s weird to me that I write my name on a piece of paper and that is who I am. It’s also weird that I automatically write this name.

A guy at my internship looks just like Peter Griffin, except that he doesn’t have balls hanging from his chin.

How can McDonalds make me have to shit just by going through the drive-thru?

Took a Japanese CD from a box that wasn’t mine. Played it, it was just some Japanese shit.

I like to kill zombies on video games, but don’t like it when 9 year olds kill me and then call me a bitch. 

Campus protocol is no kids on campus. I shouldn’t have to tell you to keep those whiney bastards at home.

This is making me feel good.

I don’t like paying 100 bucks to rent and buy books. I never read them anyway. I would much rather spend that money on beer, GI Joe comics, and a kimono(that I will most likely never wear).

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Scars With Stories That Are Not Cool

Scars don't always have cool stories to go along with them. That's why you make cool stories up for them. For instance let's take a look at my scars at the real stories behind the "bear attacks" and "saved baby from burning building" mythical ones.

RIGHT OUTSIDE THIGH-Muscle Biopsy when I was 6 or so. A doctor knocked me unconscious, probably with drugs instead of a brick. Then he cut my leg open and pulled out a piece of meat. I never seen the meat again but woke up in the hospital. Also got the chicken pox while there.

LEFT FOREARM-While drinking Everclear me and a friend decided to have a fake knifefight. He had a swiss army knife and I had a box cutter. He decided to block my slash with his knife giving me an inch gash. I could look inside and see cool things. I later cut him.

BELLY- Stretchmarks. I just got fat when I was previously skinny.

LEFT SHOULDER- Tried to shoot and take down my standing punching bag. Bag sprawled and defended my takedown and a piece of pointed leather sliced my shoulder. MMA career ended.

BELLY and SIDE and BACK- I strained my back and started putting Tiger Balm on my back and also affected ab region. The bottle said clean skin before every application. I figured fuck that I'm an unlicensed physician. I kept reapplying to the same areas and ended up with what looked like third degree burns. It scabbed, fell off, and now I have little nasty scars everywhere. I use cocoa butter like a pregnant woman to reduce the damage.

And there you go. Scars with shitty stories.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Review of Willie's Ice House West Columbia SC

When you see a B rating it's probably best to turn around but since I like to live a little I figured I would risk my health. The only plus of Willies Ice House next to the Three Fountains Skating Rink is the food is relatively cheap.

I ordered Willie's Philly, by far not the best philly I've ever had. Whoever cooked it didn't understand you are to put the cheese on the meat to melt it instead of just placing the cheese on the bun and hoping for the best. Also there really isn't a reason to cut the bun, the juice should make it soggy and ruin the foundation anyways but when you cut the bun you are just asking for an awkward sandwich experience. My dining mate said her quesadilla was fine but she was shitface drunk and her opinion doesn't matter. My sandwich was just uh.

The bartender/server did a good job although it took a little while to get our food, not her problem.

They do also offer seafood and an all you can eat crab leg buffet but I don't think I'm risky enough to try that until that B rating gets up. I would pass on this place in the future, much better options out there in the price range, and your probably less likely to get a stomach virus.

 Willie's Ice House on Urbanspoon

Review of Golden Chopstix West Columbia, SC Charleston Hwy

You truly can’t judge a book by its cover. I have passed by Golden Chopstix in the rundown shopping mall called Granby Center or Village plenty of times. Although I wanted to try the Vietnamese and Thai cuisine the facade just never looked appealing. Yesterday after reading some reviews I decided to give it a try. By the way if most people say the place is good I think it sucks and vice versa.

The most popular item seemed to be the Vietnamese Chicken Buns so since I’m a non-conformist I opted for the shrimp version. What you get is lettuce and cucumbers sliced at the bottom of the bowl topped with your choice of meat and rice noodles garnished with pickled carrots and peanuts. I had mine without peanuts because I just don’t get it. The dish comes with a “house dressing” that is some kind of liquid, perhaps thinned broth to pour over it. Without the dressing this would be a quite healthy dish. I enjoyed this alot. The shrimp tasted fresh and wild caught instead of the nasty farm raised variety. I enjoyed the noodles and vegetables. The Chicken Buns were all in all a good dish costing only 9 bucks with shrimp, less for chicken and beef. Everything was fresh. Next time I shall go hot and spicy and try one of the many curry dishes.

I also ordered the Super Nova Roll and this thing was awesome. The roll includes your typical avocado, cucumber, smoked salmon, sushi rice and fish roe but what tops this roll off literally is the sauce. The website says the sauce is Sour and Spicy, the menu calls it Sasabi, whatever it is it is good.

I was full before I was halfway done with the roll and some of the noodle stuff. I like the atmosphere of this place, dim lit. Don’t get me started when I come back and get drunk off Laos beer and order every item on the vast menu.

I approve this place very much and you don’t get that very often from me.

Golden Chopstix Vietnamese on Urbanspoon